Finally, our yearly dose of much needed kitsch is about to be delivered: Eurovision is approaching. If your retina is starving for stroke-inducing lights, nonsensical costumes, and your ears are ready to be penetrated by sugary-sweet melodies, then join us on this journey through the cold-hard Eurovision betting odds!
Eurovision is probably the only platform where it feels natural to combine operatic-vocals with generic techno music, to invent your own language, and to casually bake on stage while lip-syncing to disturbing EDM-folk at the age of 80. Actually, it should be obligatory for all performers to shamelessly fight for viewers’ attention, because realistically speaking, that’s the only selling point to this otherwise pointless ’song competition.’
Besides a few iconic performers, such as Bonny Tyler, ABBA, or Celine Dion, the contest did not produce any global and lasting superstars. Yet, in previous years there was a growing tendency among competing countries to send ‘serious’ acts to that over-the-top stage, ruining the fun for old-school viewers and disrespecting the legacy of Lordi, Verka Serduchka, and the Buranovskiye Babushki. Please adapt this mind-set while you are reading this Eurovision betting previews, in which I will intentionally and admittedly discriminate against ‘real music’ in favour of the kitsch that has been overlooked for too long.
The legendary Buranovskiye Babushki after baking on stage (source: Russianmind.eu)
This year’s diluted Viking-extravaganza is brought to us by Denmark, and we shall remain forever grateful to them. Rasmussen is undercover camp of the finest quality. You will get your long hair, dark clothes, flags, and a sloppy electronic backing-track to which the performer is dancing as awkwardly as humanly possible. After all, a true Viking cannot twerk on stage, that would ruin the authentic Sandra Hill fantasy. Higher Ground is cringe-worthy and catchy; exactly how it should be. Keep it coming!
Eurovision Semi-final Rules:
From each semi-final, 10 performers proceed to the Grand Final. Six countries are automatically starting at the Grand Final: the ‘Big Five’ (France, Germany, Italy, Spain, United Kingdom) and the host.
“I'm taking my Pikachu home
You're stupid just like your smartphone…”
As soon as a performer manages to effectively use the word ‘Pikachu’ in lyrics, the organizers should just crown them and call it a day. In an ideal world those lines would earn them Grammys, Oscars as well as the Nobel Prize for Literature, every year, for eternity. Unfortunately, snobbism and bad taste will prevent the latter from happening. However, Netta’s literary-genius and quirkiness is appreciated by online sportsbook sites, as she is currently the bookies favourite to win the whole shebang. Go, girl, go!
Do you regularly feel the need to talk to the manager? Are you rocking a Victoria Beckham-style bob with blond highlights? Have you developed a taste for reasonably priced chardonnay? If your answer was yes to any of those questions, you should bet on Mikolas Josef, who is 2018’s standard, run-of-the-mill heartbreaker. That’s all you need to know (the music is forgettable.)
Elina Nechayeva – 6/1 - ESTONIA - Category: Bubblegum-opera
Dramatics are a must at the Eurovision. The Estonian performer, Elina Nechayeva, is 2018’s opera singer, who pulls out all the concerned facial expressions, teary eyes, and armography that would give Britney Spears a run for her money. Elina goes through a range of complex emotions – from sadness, mild-happiness, to complete happiness - as she is singing her song, La Forza. Meanwhile, she is wearing a traditional post-Soviet elevator gown, on which they are projecting nonfigurative Power Point creations, just the way we like it. Well done!
Amaia y Alfred – 50/1 - SPAIN - Category: Couple standing in falling leaves
63rd Eurovision Song Contest Schedule:
1st Semi-final: May 8
2nd Semi-final: May 10
Grand-final: May 12
As couples are expected to do, Amaia y Alfred (Amaia and Alfred) are both standing, laying, and flying in leaves. At one point in their music video it seems that they are screaming at each other (2:35), but a few seconds later it turns out that everything’s just fine (2:44), they are still in love. The song itself sounds like something our mothers used to listen and half-heartedly mumble while cleaning on a warm Saturday afternoon. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Bet on Amaia and Alfred if you like couples, falling leaves, and the missionary position.
When you login first time using a Social Login button, we collect your account public profile information shared by Social Login provider, based on your privacy settings. We also get your email address to automatically create an account for you in our website. Once your account is created, you'll be logged-in to this account.
DisagreeAgree
I allow to create an account
When you login first time using a Social Login button, we collect your account public profile information shared by Social Login provider, based on your privacy settings. We also get your email address to automatically create an account for you in our website. Once your account is created, you'll be logged-in to this account.
The legendary Buranovskiye Babushki after baking on stage (source: Russianmind.eu)
As couples are expected to do, Amaia y Alfred (Amaia and Alfred) are both standing, laying, and flying in leaves. At one point in their music video it seems that they are screaming at each other (2:35), but a few seconds later it turns out that everything’s just fine (2:44), they are still in love. The song itself sounds like something our mothers used to listen and half-heartedly mumble while cleaning on a warm Saturday afternoon. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Bet on Amaia and Alfred if you like couples, falling leaves, and the missionary position.
