The Seven Best Casinos That Might Get Hit By Tiangong-1

Written by Nich Moore on 2018-04-02 at 03:34
Best Casinos (source: NBC News)

The odds of getting hit on the head by debris falling to earth is a trillion to one - but tell that to Lottie Williams who was struck in 1997. Of course that piece was the size of a fist and the Chinese space lab, Tiangong-1, is the size of a school bus, weighs ten tons and could hit just about anywhere. This means we've all been entered in the most dangerous Chinese lottery ever, so this Easter weekend you may as well go out with a bang at one of the best casinos in the world. Here's seven suggestions.

1. The Bellagio – Las Vegas, USA

Well if you're going to go big there really is nowhere quite like Las Vegas and among its many delights the Bellagio stands out as perhaps the best of the bunch. With an unrivaled selection of attractions, an amazing variety of games, a myriad of slots and some of the very best customer service anywhere on the planet this is definitely one of the best casinos in the world to get hit by a piece of defunct Chinese space hardware moving at terminal velocity. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. And so might you.

2. The Venetian Macao – Macau, China

The Internet's wild conspiracy theories that Tiangong-1 has been weaponized and is going to be used by Xi Jinping to obliterate either the White House, The Kremlin or The Thousand Acre Wood are likely to be nothing more than swamp gas, however just in case you might want to choose somewhere close enough to Beijing to prevent it being targeted. Luckily the Venetian Macau is one of the best casinos in the world and has often made US gambling news headlines for outstripping it's Vegas based rivals.

3. Conrad Casino – Punta del Este, Uruguay

Easily listed among the best casinos in the world the Conrad Casino in Uruguay provides the perfect location to be crushed under falling Chinese space laboratory. They say life's a beach so you may as well die near one, it has superb accommodation, great cuisine and all the highlights of the high life you could wish for. Running away to South America might seem a little cliched but if it was good enough for Adolf Hitler, Lord Lucan and DB Cooper, it'll probably be good enough for you, don't you think?

4. Gold Reef Casino – Pretoria, South Africa

Whilst many might opt for the opulence of Sun City this smaller resort near Pretoria is just a little more select and if there's one thing you don't want to have to experience moments before being squished by a tumbling Chinese Tiangong is the feeling there's somewhere nearby that with a better crowd of people you could die among. It doesn't matter if you'd rather play roulette or bet on sports in the US or South Africa, the Gold Reef has you covered and deserves it's spot on this list of the best casinos in the world.

5. Monte Carlo Casino – Monte Carlo, Monaco

If style is all that matters to you in your potential final moments on this mortal coil there really is no equal to the history drenched surroundings of the Monte Carlo Casino arguably one of the best casinos in the world. Monaco's most famous location might stretch your budget but if you're going to be killed under falling masonry it may as well be culturally superior masonry and it's hugely unlikely that the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo will be a Chinese space technician and not Charles Coborn.

6. Treasury Casino – Brisbane, Australia

Playing the odds is always a good idea and whilst getting hit by space debris is hugely unlikely you can improve those numbers by being somewhere that's already been hit before. In 1979 NASA's Skylab disintegrated over Australia showering sizable pieces over a wide area, what's the chances they'll be hit twice by a space laboratory? One of the best casinos in the world in one of the most fun cities the Treasury Casino is perfect for anyone in the US gambling laws of “a fair go” apply to space junk.

7. Deltin Royale – Goa, India

There's no party quite like a party in Goa, just ask anyone who has been to Bora Bora or Antares, and the Deltin Royale (one of the best casinos in the world) will provide the perfect place to celebrate what may well be the last minutes before your painful demise in what will be a building leveling impact of a school bus sized space lab all the way from China. The quaint environs are legendary, the sandy beaches are unparalleled and there's no real need to worry about a hangover in the morning, is there?

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