Christmas is upon us once again and for those of you planning to eschew the safe, warm, hygienic comfort of your sofa and BetVictor, and instead will journey to their local casino to place a bet on sports in the US, play poker or hit the blackjack tables, there’s every possibility you could run into the fat man on his rounds. This can be quite traumatic for adults who’ve long since ceased believing in him and the psychological effects can be profound, so here’s the seven ways to tell Santa is in your local casino that you might avoid this ghastly fate.
1. Sleigh On The Roof
Yes, yes, it’s obvious but you’d be surprised how often this dead giveaway is overlooked. A quick check of the surrounding rooftops takes but a moment and yet is so easily forgotten in the heat of the moment. Naturally the wholesale lack of aerodynamics associated with a mythically overloaded sleigh and a dozen reindeer mean many of Santa’s landings can be quite heavy and should you see any damage not attributable to a hurricane or similar, be wary, it could well be time to return home and use BetVictor instead.
2. Reindeer Shit In The Parking Lot
If once a year a crazy old man came round, hitched you up to a ridiculously overloaded sleigh, forced you to reach the speeds necessary to circumnavigate every good child’s home on the planet in a single night with the added thrill of having to stop dead on something as small as a rooftop you’d shit yourself too so check the parking lot of your local casino for reindeer scat carefully. Note; The reindeer do not defecate in flight due to the low temperatures of altitude. A frozen reindeer turd can kill from 50,000ft.
3. Elves At The Slot Machines
With US gambling laws letting any old riff raff into casinos these days it can be quite hard to tell but if you look closely at the slot machines and see a group of diminutive people dressed in green wearing unfeasible shoes and the sort of headgear that gets you beaten up in high school, take a second glance. Elves are a suckers for slot machines of any variety and should be easy to recognize, but if you’re not sure go and see if they want you to sit on an old man’s lap, because if so, you need to go home to BetVictor immediately.
4. You Can Hear Ho Ho Ho At Your Local Casino
Naturally what with the sleigh bells and the reindeer (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Dunder, Blixem and Captain Glowy-Nose Rudolf) it’s obvious that you could well hear Santa long before you see him, and this applies in your local casino too where above the din of the slot machines and happy/unhappy patrons (delete as applicable) you may well be able to discern his trademark “Ho Ho Ho” before catching sight of him and be able to flee the scene back to the safety of BetVictor.
5. The Red & White Outfit
Be it an invention of the marketing board at Coca Cola or not the fat man’s signature outfit is pretty hard to miss, especially if the anti-fur protestors find out he’s around (they make such a fuss) and if you see a large man in a red and white outfit that isn’t a leisure suit (Oh Larry where art thou?) it may well be time to turn tail and seek the pleasures of gambling in the entirely safe surrounds of BetVictor at home where there won’t be any disruption to your ongoing adult reality matrix of disbelief in the mythical.
6. The Beard
Now obviously you need be careful here that the odd guy with the beard playing Roulette is actually Santa and not Jesus. Weirdos with beards can look awfully similar under the lighting of your local casino so just be sure to check twice. Rule of thumb; If the red and white outfit is a dress – It’s Jesus. If it does transpire the man with the bush on his face is Santa Claus leave immediately before you need therapy and play some of the great games available online at sites like BetVictor. If it’s Jesus, say “Happy Birthday”.
7. Naughty Or Nice
In the exuberance of the moment, perhaps after the odd drink or six, you could find yourself sat next to Santa at the tables of your local casino without any prior warning, and indeed could overlook the appearance and the smell of reindeer piss on his boots, however any patron you find glancing at people and saying either “Naughty” or “Nice” in a dismissive tone should instantly put you on your guard, you don’t want to be the only person in the US gambling news of Santa’s existence won’t mess with their head, do you?