With some great promotions kicking around at Bet365 and the like, the holidays are the perfect time to kick back and relax and take advantage of our modern era’s fruit by checking out the Christmas betting opportunities for 2017 online, however whilst you’ll be able to choose from a veritable smorgasbord of books from sports to novelty betting, there will still be a few bets the big boys aren’t going to be offering up as you tuck into your turkey this xmas. These are seven of them.
1. The Pope Vanishes ~ 4/1
Having uncovered a scandal of such mammoth proportions that even Dan Brown would think it strained credulity a little, Pope Francis throws off the labyrinthine corridors of power that comprise the Catholic Church, escapes the Vatican in a midnight flit with Cardinal gunmen on his tail and spends next Christmas betting that no one will ever realize that he’s hiding as Santa Claus in the grotto at the Cabaildo Walmart in Buenos Aires. If you like an outside bet on sports in the UK, US or elsewhere, escaping popes will be the English Premier League of 2017.
2. Rodrigo Duterte Dies Of A Drug Overdose ~ 6/1
Outside Bets for 2017
- Pope Vanishes – 4/1
- Duterte Overdoses – 6/1
- Kim Jung- un – 10/1
Christmas betting doesn’t all have to be snowflakes and precious gifts, some of it can be about backing the comeuppance clause the universe likes to bandy about, and when it comes to wagers of karma there’s none better that putting a few bucks on the Filipino strong man suffering an OD sometime in the next 12 months. Only an addict could be as rabid as he is about drugs, and you’d have to be on something to go around as a cop actually looking for trouble to get into just so you can shoot people. Well, that or an American.
3. Caitlyn Jenner Announces She’s Pregnant ~ 8/1
A wonder of modern science or the latest stunt by David Blaine? It’ll be hard to tell at the time but when the dust settles it’ll be praised by the likes of Oprah, derided by the Christian Right and ignored by most people who don’t give a damn until Kanye West is revealed as the father and suddenly Christmas betting will be a necessary addition to your reality TV watching schedule as the ripples of this celebrity scandal crumble the very moral fabric of the United States of America. See Bet365 for bets on the child’s gender at the time.
4. Kim Jong-un Defects To South Korea ~ 10/1
Following a disastrous mistake in the choreography at the annual parade to celebrate his birthday leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un is heard to sourly ask of senior advisers “What’s the fucking point?” before ordering his personal pilot, at gunpoint, to fly him across the DMZ and into exile in South Korea where he opens a chain of themed restaurants called Camp 22. Splurging on some Christmas betting that the fat boy with duff nukes has enough to moves south is worth it, although Bet365 will be offering better books on the French election in 2017.
5. Donald Trump Is Assassinated ~ 20/1
Anyone who spends Christmas betting they can survive the entire holidays without wishing all their immediate family dead is kidding themselves, and anyone who thinks you can knock off a President is just as deluded. He might well lead the world to very brink of destruction but alas anyone in the US or UK gambling laws would neatly erase themselves just because the world might not miss him were he gone, should think again. Sadly Bet365 doesn’t take bets on Trump having a Road-To-Damascus* moment and stepping out into the Rose Garden of the White House to do the decent thing.
6. Marine Le Pen Dies In The Garden Of Her Aunt ~ 33/1
Long Shots for 2017
- Caitlyn Jenner Pregnant – 8/1
- Trump Assassinated – 20/1
- Putin Wins Miss World – 50/1
Students of French the world over would come together in great public throngs to rejoice in finally having a piece of topical news that they could actually mention correctly. French teachers would take the day off, text book pages would be scattered from high buildings onto passing parades of language learners who for once could do more than ask for a cheese sandwich, directions to the railway station or what the weather is like. It would be a glorious day that Bet365 won’t accept wagers on because they’ve a far better selection of sports books for all you Christmas betting fans.
7. Vladimir Putin Wins Miss World ~ 50/1
Several poisonings, a mysterious death on a dark lonely road, two muggings, some intimidating phone calls and, naturally, a whole bunch of hacking, the judging panel for the Miss World 2017 competition is going to do precisely as Mr. Putin says and stripped to the waist in his signature boots the leader of Russia will take to the stage, announce he’s not seeking world peace, juggle three chainsaws and leave everyone in the US, Europe & the UK gambling news stories in 2017 won’t be of him starting World War 3 by invading Turkey to get the ring back from Recep Tayyip “Don’t Call Me Gollum” Erdogan.
* – Readers should note that whilst this phrase is often used to denote moments of sudden clarity or revelation at present the road to Damascus is unlikely to provide any enlightenment for anyone at all, although opportunities to move closer to one’s chosen deity in the afterlife remain within easy reach.