“If you want justice, you’ve come to the wrong place”, or so says Tyrion Lannister in the season 4 promo for Game of Thrones. Yet there’s more at stake than justice in the world of Westeros, with dragons, white walkers, poison and much much more in the HBO epic based on George R.R. Martin’s books.
Yet what if the Lannisters ran a casino, not a kingdom? What would happen then?
Welcome to the Golden Lion Casino
The Golden Lion’s Main Competitors
• White Wolf Casino – Made out of Ice, the White Wolf Casino is monitored by eagle eyed head croupiers dressed all in black
• The Heart of Fire – Not a casino to visit if you’re an unbeliever: Stannis and Melisandre will burn you alive if you don’t obey their rules
• The Three Dragons – Welcoming to all, but only if you behave like a gentleman, Daenerys’ casino is a real clash of cultures.
Following hot on the footsteps of UK casino, The Hippodrome, the Lannister’s very own Golden Lion Casino would have its very own door dwarfs, of course.
That’s right: after the land based and online casino in the UK’s capital London hired dwarfs to be doormen, what else could The Golden Lion do but follow suit! Be careful, though, as this dwarf has a hell of a tongue on him: Tyrion will lash back at you each and every time.
He also likes a sneaky bet every now and again, but don’t worry: a Lannister always pays his debts.
If only he stopped at that, however, as Tyrion Lannister has more to him than just a sharp wit and short stature. No, he’s got a great eye for detail and a ruthless streak – just like his father, Tywin – which makes him perfectly suited to a particular type of card game. Luck has it – or design, really – that the Lannister’s casino has plenty of those kinds of tables…
With their skill for political maneuvering, the Lannister’s are perfect for a game or two of poker. It’s no surprise, then, that The Golden Lion Casino has an entire floor dedicated to the card game. With everything from Texas Hold’Em to 3 Card Poker tables, you can lose your money into the Lannister pots placed to collect it all.
Even if you’ve played for days on end at online poker sites in the UK or Europe, it’s worth stepping away from the table when Tywin sits down, though, as the Lord of Casterly Rock is a poker demon. With big money wins over major players such as Antonio Esfandiari to his name, the head of the Lannister household is the man to look out for.
His daughter, though, is less suited to the patience needed at the poker table. No, her gaming room takes on a different shape, and a more wicked one at that…
The Hear Me Roar Lion Pit
While the world may no longer have gladiator games – thankfully – everyone knows Siegfried & Roy. Their white lions and tigers at the Mirage Resort & Casino were the biggest draws in Vegas for more than a decade. Yet it’s not just two men performing magic with a tiger, though. No, Cersei has a lot more planned than that.
Harking back to ancient Rome, there is a whole amphitheatre set up in the basement at The Golden Lion, where you can enjoy the spectacle of man vs beast. And wager on it, of course.
I wouldn’t win too much, though, as that woman has a bit of a nasty streak. Get the better of her and The Mountain could come crashing down on you. Would provide a bit more excitement than mobile betting, though, that’s for sure.
The Throne Room
No Lannister paradise would be complete without a room of Kingly proportions, though, and this is where the Throne Room comes in. There is one tiny difference, though, as King Joffrey gets enough of the Iron Throne back in the Red Keep. No, the boy king sits on something a bit more comfortable in The Golden Lion Casino.
Yet he doesn’t just sit, of course. No, he wants to be entertained, and entertainment there is. There are daily cabaret shows and nightly burlesque shows, sandwiched by sword fighting exhibitions, magicians, gymnasts and much more.
In other words, The Throne Room gives you the perfect chance to relax and unwind with a drink before scuttling back to the poker tables just as soon as you hear Twyin get up and leave. You really don’t want to play against him. He will win. Well, so long as it doesn’t involve his dwarf son and a crossbow.
The Gaming Floors
Of course, that’s not all there is, of course, as the casinos other floors pay host to a wide variety of gaming tables, with baccarat, roulette, sic bo, craps and plenty of video slots and poker machines to try your luck at. There has to be somewhere for Jaime to prowl moodily, after all.
So enjoy your time at The Golden Lion Casino, but I would advise against holding your wedding there: it may turn out to be a bit red.