Australians are known for their good-humored temperaments, but just how far can you push the Aussies before you’ll get yourself kicked out one of their casinos?
When we think of Australia we imagine barbecues on the beach, koalas and kangaroos, not casinos as such, it’s not really Las Vegas or Macau.
Gambling is legal under Australian gambling laws, and the country boasts some great land-based casinos. However, it seems that some casinos have been having trouble with rough company lately.
Back in November, a biker gang got banned from The Star Casino in Sydney for being troublesome, antisocial and for intimidating the clientele.
So we’re going to give you the four most ridiculous ways of getting kicked out of an Australian Casino. Please don’t try these at home!
Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport
Most casinos won’t let you take your pets, but if you really, really need to take your kangaroo buddy with you when you go off to a casino, you’ll need to dress her up in a dress.
Celebrity casino evictions:
• Paris Hilton: This girl gets kicked out of casinos more times she changes underwear. Once she lost her brand-new Bentley in a high-stakes poker game in her parents own casino, which got her promptly banned
• One Direction may be teen heartthrobs, but their fame did them no credit when they got chucked out of a number of Vegas casinos for being under 21
• Scottish actor Alan Cumming got kicked out of the Gala Casino in Glasgow for doing a handstand
Kangaroos are great companions for gambling. They’ll distract the players around you for novelty purposes, and they’ll punch the living daylights out of anyone who looks at you the wrong way.
So now you’ve got your kangaroo buddy all dressed up, you walk in together into the casino and you act like there is nothing wrong.
However, the security guard notes something’s fishy about your pocket-pouched friend and yells “No animals!” at you rather gruffly.
At this point you turn to the security guard and you start to throw a tantrum. You shout: “Did you just say my daughter is ugly?!”
Bonus points if you get Skippy to punch the security guard for the insult, or even better, get your kangaroo involved in a punch up. Nothing will get you banned more quickly than starting a fight in a casino with a kangaroo.
Even better if you can sing “Tie me kangaroo down” while your kangaroo is punching someone.
We’re pretty sure all of the above will get you banned for life.
If you want to get thrown out for being obnoxious in an Australian casino, we’ve got the best tactic for you – particularly if you’re not Australian.
You’re playing a game, extra points if you’re dressed up like Steve Irwin or Crocodile Dundee, or at the very best wearing a dangling-cork hat. Bonus points for knocking back cans of cheap beer as you do this.
Whenever each round finishes, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to scream “Crikey Sport!” no matter what the game and whether you win or not.
This might just irritate people around you, so to secure yourself in the Australian Casino Blacklist Hall of Fame, you’re going to have to take it up a notch.
Telling people you’re Rolf Harris or you steal prawns from a buffet will hardly endear casino employees to you, but still not enough to get kicked out.
For a little drama, try and jump to the other side of the table because you think the dealer is ripping you off, since he keeps giving you evil looks whenever you yell out “Crikey Sport!” and you want to deal the cards to him.
This will definitely attract the casino security department over to your table, so you start throwing chips at the dealer’s head, which hardly calms the situation much, but you’ve already knocked a few beers back, you really don’t care at this point.
Once the security guard comes over – head butt him. You want to go all in, don’t ya?
Pretend you’re a bikie
Biker gangs, or “bikies” in the local lingo are personas non grata at most Aussie casinos, so you’ve got a very easy way of getting banned – perhaps without even trying.
All you need is a few fake tattoos with bikie gang names on them, a leather jacket, a big beard, a fake one will do. Make sure you bring your friends along with you – you’re not exactly a gang if you come alone!
Go around and glare at patrons and make sure to give the security people the finger.
Since casinos in Australia are already throwing out biker gangs all over, turning up as a member of one will be enough to get the boot as well.
Do an Oceans 11
A year ago, a group managed to heist a Melbourne-based casino Oceans 11 style. A gang consisting of a high-roller, a card dealer and someone inside security managed to walk away with AUD 32 million.
The sneaky tricksters used the high-security surveillance in the high-stakes poker room to their advantage, by having an insider relay card information to the player saying what was in the dealer’s hand.
Now, pulling off such a heist might be tough for amateurs, so we suggest you fake it till you make it, baby.
Start talking to yourself very loudly in a high-stakes poker room. Shout “what? I can’t hear you, an ace you say?” and scratch your ear a lot.
It’s even better if you can make it look like you’re signaling to another player who has nothing to do with you. If it looks like you’re about to pull another heist, even if you’re more Johnny English than James Bond, you’ll be sure to get banned.
If you stay at home and play at online casinos in Australia you’re not going to have as much fun as trying your best to get kicked out from the country’s casinos.
Sadly, at the rate you’re going you’ll be banned at all Australian casinos, and you’ll just have to make do with mobile casinos and internet gaming.