gambling

Bet On A Trump Victory Bringing Any Local Casino These 7 Changes

Donald Trump 2016

It may to some seem unthinkable, but there is still the possibility that Donald Trump will win the presidency over Hillary Clinton this November and take up residence in the White House, so what changes will that make to our day-to-day lives? What will happen to our schools? Our hospitals? Our local casino? We run down the first things you’ll notice and what you should bet on a Trump victory bringing to your life away from the safety of Bet365.

1. What’s In A Name?

Following a Trump victory your local casino, like all buildings more than two meters high, will be required by law to have the word “TRUMP” both emblazoned on their exterior and assimilated into the name of the building itself. You might think that insane, but Donald Trump is a mental case and if you’re in the US gambling laws of the land can’t be that crazy just think back to how dumb prohibition was. You can pretty much bet on a Trump victory heralding a new era of architecture…..and stationary.

2. Guns Galore On The Gambling Floor

All members of the population over the age of 21 will be required by law to openly carry a firearm at all times in public places. No license will be required and ammunition will be given away free with every two gallons of gas. You can bet on a Trump victory forcing your local casino to strictly enforce this law and if you own no firearm one will be provided for you by the new “Trump Weapons Awareness Training” program that will both arm and train all Real Americans(TM).

Casino weapons

Large amounts of guns, alcohol, and money seems like a dangerous combination (photo: amc.com)

3. Guess It’s Adios Muchachos

With all Mexicans to be expelled from the United States in the hours following his inauguration you can bet on a Donald Trump victory causing havoc in the maintenance and cleaning departments of your local casino so if the you start wondering why the grounds are beginning to give you flashbacks to the jungles of Nam and the air conditioning is making noises like a mobile phone in a blender, you’re just going to have to deal with it yourself, and as for those late night nachos you like? Just forget it, baby. 

4. Nudity For Local Casino Patrons

All Muslims will be banned from your local casino and possibly from all public places. Unless they’re naked. You can just bet on a Trump victory triggering Homeland Security to put all Muslims under tight observation but just to make everyone feel less threatened by those who pray to a god who isn’t Jesus(TM), they’ll be banned from wearing clothes in public, and if you’re in the US gambling news of such a law is an impossibility, just wait, there’ll be naked guys being trailed by security spooks in your local casino soon enough my friend and then you’ll see why Bet365 is a much better place to play. 

Trump casino idea

”Doesn’t that sound like a great idea folks?” (photo: cnn.com)

5. Girls, Girls, Girls, Goodbye.

Since Donald believes any woman who is being sexually harassed is free to go away and get another job, sexually harassing the female staff of your local casino will mostly be their problem so whether its that cute dealer at the Blackjack table or that smoking fine waitress that keeps bringing you drinks, don’t worry about treating them like a human being, just paw at them whenever you feel like it, because you can bet on a Trump victory bringing some common sense back to the Department of Justice. 

6. Bet On A Trump Victory Wall Being Built Everywhere

Far from stopping at merely building a single wall to keep out the Mexican drug-mule rapists, you can bet on a Trump victory causing a whole plethora of walls to be constructed. From the new one around your local casino and the one stopping Canadians crossing the damn border every time they feel like it, to the one partitioning off nice places for Real Americans(TM) to live from those nasty minorities and poor people that will spring up in towns and cities across the country come next January if Trump wins. 

Walls surrounding casino

Expect Trump walls to surround your local casinos

7. Nuclear War For All The Family

You may like to put a bet on sports in the US at your local casino or on Bet365 and if so it is suggested you do so soon. There may not be a later in which to do so. Donald has already questioned why the US doesn’t use its nuclear weapons more often so you can probably bet on a Trump victory being merely the start of a new age in US global dominance, even if much of that globe is a smoldering radioactive wasteland full of mutants with very, very small hands. The good news is Donald has said only losers die of blast waves and radiation, not Real Americans(TM). So look for a bunker at your local casino.

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