The 2016 Oscars (the only thing whiter than a French battle flag) goes ahead this weekend and in its 88th year of masturbatory self-congratulation there will be no shortage of anything except minorities in this cavalcade of Caucasians coming together in Los Angeles on Sunday to hand each other wipe-clean faux-gold novelty butt plugs. But who will get to blub their way through a cringe-inducing acceptance speech? Just who should you back to win?
2016 Oscars Ceremony
• Sunday 28th in LA
• DiCaprio set to win
• Bear deserves it more
Well the easiest call of the night is the Best Actor category where Leonardo DiCaprio has that pretty much sewn up for his role in The Revenant, Bet365 giving him 1/100 to win, which pretty much means Eddie Redmayne on 20/1 and Micheal Fassbender at 25/1 are, just like Bryan Cranston and Matt Damon, merely along to make up the numbers. Unfortunately such sure things don’t encourage people to take advantage of UK gambling laws because they don’t make for fun bets and anyway, DiCaprio?
Accepting Leonardo DiCaprio as being the best actor in the world is, to my mind, as near a herald of the apocalypse as we are likely to get without it actually being announced over twitter (#4Horsemen #EndOfWorld #RaptureReady) and that I for one wish they’d give the award for Best Actor at the 2016 Oscars to the bear instead if only for the speech (“….I’d like to thank my fur stylist and growling coach….”) and the look on Leonardo’s face as he had to clap his own loss to a dumb animal…..Oh okay then…..another dumb animal.
Perhaps unsurprisingly the Best Actress category at the 2016 Oscars is also a bit predictable with Brie Larson getting 1/25 for her role in “The Room”, a movie to which so many people have applied the term “heartrending” that even Werewolves are becoming envious of its reputation. I suppose you could go for Saoirse Ronan at 12/1 or Cate Blanchett at 33/1, but why bother? It looks a done deal to me and whilst I’d love to see Charlotte Rampling nude win, at 66/1 I think it somewhat unlikely, n’est pas?
2016 Oscars A Fight Between Revenant & Spotlight
The Revenant and Spotlight are vying for the Best Picture award at the 2016 Oscars with the former getting 4/9 at Bet365 against the latter’s 5/2, and this is a far more interesting book to look at, even The Big Short at 5/1 is worth a punt because the experts and pundits are all in a dither, which means no one really knows. The Spotlight’s gravitas could play well for it here, as the Revenant (one man’s struggle against the elemental forces of nature and an inability to exit a closet) is far less weighty.
Not that it being a boys own adventure yarn will prevent Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu picking up the Best Director award at the 2016 Oscars, with a comparatively narrow lead over George Miller for Mad Max Fury Road, the Revenant director getting just 1/10 with poor George at 13/2 and Adam McKay & The Big Short back on 16/1. The forest beats the desert apparently, possibly because getting any performance from the wooden-top DiCaprio whilst surrounded by all those trees is working miracles.
Talking of wooden-tops, the moment of the evening may possibly transpire to be Sylvester Stallone winning a Best Supporting Actor award at the 2016 Oscars he’s 2/7 to take it ahead of Mark Rylance on 11/4. If he gets it, the speech should be epic, and I’m gambling news coverage on Monday will be full of it. Meanwhile in the Best Supporting Actress race, Alicia Vikander gets 4/11 vs Kate Winslet at 7/2 with Ronney Mara drifting out to 5/1. Take your pick but Alicia losing would be a tad tragic really.
In A Galaxy Far, Far Away Star Wars Sucked
In the Best Visual Effects Category it is the yawn-fest and TV series pilot “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” that leads the field on 4/9 although Mad Max is in it at 13/8, albeit not very seriously. They say necessity is the mother of invention, and Star Wars certainly needed good special effects, if only to make up for the complete lack of plot, disgraceful dialogue, ghastly acting and an overall feeling that somewhere on a beach JJ Abrams was phoning it in. Stick to Star Trek, JJ, this film sucked.
Spotlight, however probably quite rightfully has the Best Screenplay award at the 2016 Oscars sewn up at 1/14 although Inside Out would be a bold bet at 13/2, especially when it is 1/100 to pick up the Best Animated Feature award ahead of everything else including the glorious Shaun The Sheep Movie. In a night that may be steamrollered by DiCaprio and his bear, this could be the consolation prize for Spotlight, its serious subject and overall integrity, something the Oscars aren’t usually prone to reward.
Of course those amongst you that like to bet on sports in the UK are likely to find Man Utd vs Arsenal a more interesting wager, but just remember there’s as many preening prima donnas on the pitch each weekend as will be on the stage in LA Sunday night, the only difference being, I suppose, that the English Premier League is a bit more inclusive than the 2016 Oscars…..which says it all. You can expect very similar (if more US-centric) comparisons like that from host Chris Rock, the only real reason to watch this all-white-winners orgy of ego-stroking and insincerity.