7 Ways To Tell Nuclear War Has Started In An Indian Casino

7 Ways To Tell Nuclear War Has Started In An Indian Casino

In these uncertain times, as western powers square off against Russia on the proxy battlefields of Syria where chemical weapons and religious fervor meet like a Serial Killer’s Convention disco, the chances of an apocalyptic nuclear exchange have never been so dangerously high, and if you’re taking advantage of Indian gambling laws to visit an Indian casino you might, in your excitement, miss the tell tale signs Armageddon has begun, so (just in case) here’s some things to look out for.

1. Sirens Mournfully Wailing

This is a dead give away. Whilst it is entirely possible they’re just testing the apparatus or the local factory is knocking off for lunch, right now with the International situation as it is you’re probably best off assuming the worst and that this isn’t a drill. Sure, maybe that Indian casino isn’t a direct target for the ire of Donald Trump or Vladimir Putin but you can bet it’ll quickly get swept up into things if the balloon goes up so don’t hesitate, immediately put your emergency evacuation plan into operation.

2. Panic Without Retail Sale Or Gunfire

Panic in modern society is far more common than you might think but it’s very easy to tell if the hysteria in your local Indian casino is due to the impending irradiation of much of the world’s natural resources or not. Simply check to see if there is a nearby sale giving ridiculous discounts or if you can hear the sound of gunfire. If neither of these factors appears present the chances are it’s not a robbery gone wrong, an act of terrorism of a retail event of a marketers wet dream but actually doomsday.

3. Staff Announcements For A “Mr Smith”

Any casino in India will, like most public spaces throughout the world, have a code to inform staff of various situations without alarming members of the general public that may happen to hear them. The more bland the name used the more dire the situation which is why, should you hear a staff announcement for a “Mr Smith” whilst sat enjoying the ambiance of the best poker room in India at that local Indian casino of yours, you should immediately cash out before a nuke cashes your chips.

4. A Strange Absence Of Rich People

Naturally any casino in India, or indeed elsewhere, will typically be the preserve of the wealthy and if you discover your Indian casino suddenly lacking it’s usual compliment of the rich begin to be very alarmed. The rich will all be informed of hostilities prior to their beginning and rush off to their bunkers so their absence should set alarm bells ringing. International readers should not that an absence of poor people outside India might just mean that you’re in Tahoe and WWIII will be a blessing.

5. Replacement Of Muzak With EBS News

Nearly all nations on Earth these days have an Emergency Broadcasting System designed to make as many people as possible among their population aware of dire circumstance in as short a time as possible. This means if the hypno-muzak usually played in any Indian casino is suddenly replaced a dull voiced announcer telling you to seek shelter you might just want to find a casino in India that has a basement or, alternatively, simply go all in on the next hand and see if you can go out a blaze of glory.

6. Mushroom Clouds Outside The Windows

Most gaming floors in an Indian casino lack the swanky tinted glass views of their western counterparts but that doesn’t mean whilst wandering around you might not just find a vista of the outside world and one of the sure signs a nuclear war has started is the presence of mushroom clouds on the horizon, as well as bright unexplained flashes, and indeed if you can’t hide said mushroom cloud behind your thumb held up in front of your face at arms length you are probably already dead and don’t know it yet.

7. Sudden Unexpected Death

This is a classic often overlooked by nuclear novices. There are numerous ways one can unexpected die in an India casino but most of those will give some sort of warning, however in the very nature of nuclear war you could find yourself suddenly dead with no prior notice whatsoever. Unfortunately there will be very little you can do about this once dead apart from perhaps rue your decision to go to an indian casino rather than do some online gambling in India from the safety of a nuclear bunker.

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