Blatter Pretends Corruption In Sport Is Not Really A Crime

Blatter money thrown at him

Sepp Blatter has decided to continue to claim his innocence long after his manifest manipulation and corruption in sport got him removed as head of FIFA, the body that oversees global soccer. The question is just how stupid does he think the rest of us are?

Popular culture is pretty adamant that any small child left unattended for any period of time in a domestic circumstance will instantly rush to the cupboards in the kitchen, assail any jar of jam that might be located therein, partake of it messily and then, when inevitably caught, claim that despite the jam around their mouth, sticky fingers and guilty expression, that they themselves are wholly innocent of any and all crimes and can’t quite understand where all these accusations are coming from.

Save for the diminutive size and conserve covered lips and digits, Sepp Blatter, former FIFA boss and now poster-boy for corruption in sport, did his level best to attempt much the same thing as he took to the airwaves to defend himself, in what was probably most implausible radio broadcast since Orsen Wells’ “War Of The Worlds”. Of course I’m sure Mr. Blatter would welcome an alien invasion, after all, then there might at least be some beings on this planet that believe what he says.

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Having been banned from the most popular sport in the world perhaps Mr. Blatter is gambling news that he’s been found guilty by his peers hasn’t reached the rest of the population, the 79 year old possibly optimistic that the unaccountable millions which changed hands between he and Michel Platini, head of UEFA at the time, can still be made to look like legitimate business practice. Such optimism is cute in children, from a man in his position it’s just a little insulting of our intelligence.

Sepp Blatter – A One Man Definition Of Corruption In Sport


“I am sure that there is justice in this world,” said the one man advertisement for corruption in sport that is Sepp Blatter, “and that I have committed nothing which goes to criminal law.” Which is very carefully worded to avoid mention of his having been sacked from his job because he used the spirit and ethos of football and fair play to wipe his sizable Swiss backside on far too many occasions. Of course Mr. Blatter is working on damage limitation so next he decided to make silly comparisons.


“I have killed nobody.” He stated, as if any crime short of murder was no real crime at all and people were all just making a big fuss about nothing, “I have not robbed a bank.” He continued, failing to mention that the not-for-profit FIFA has over a billion in its bank accounts, and therefore he had no real need to rob a bank, pretty much possessing one of his own, and he denied he had any part in corruption in sport saying “I have not taken money from anywhere.”

Now you don’t have to be an expert on UK gambling laws to know that the possible truth of that statement would get exceedingly long odds at Bet365, were wagers on such things permitted, because if he’d never taken money from anywhere, just how did he have all that cash to give to Michel Platini? Mr. Blatter seems to believe we’re all stupid and that if he keeps denying his top-tier corruption in sport we shall somehow all come to believe him. What a fat fool.

”You Cannot Buy A World Cup.” Says Man Who Sold Them


“You cannot buy a World Cup.” Said Blatter denying one of the most famous instances of corruption in sport ever, despite even five year old children with jam around their mouths knowing that there’s something inherently bent about staging a World Cup in a desert nation that has no footballing history just lots and lots and lots of money. Not that Mr. Blatter will admit it. He claims the French President at the time, Nicolas Sarkozy got Platini to change his vote that lost the US the right to host in 2022.

Sepp Blatter World Cup trophy

(Photo: Reuters/V. Ogirenko)

Blatter seems to think blaming politicians will be his salvation saying the World Cup will go at the end where the higher political influences are.” Which is amusing really because it implies that Qatar was somehow able to mobilize greater political influence than the United States of America. There is perhaps no greater evidence of corruption in sport than that anyone could dare claim this with a straight face. Sepp Blatter, however, is still playing innocent even pretending he and the US aren’t at odds.

“I tried to see what votes were left for the US but……” But they hadn’t paid you enough Sepp so you handed the gig to the Qataris who had, yes, we know. Of course the US was so annoyed they launched an investigation into FIFA that brought down Sepp’s little fiefdom, the entire house of cards collapsing around him, but still Blatter claims innocence saying “I was even treating well all my ex-girlfriends. One I was married to only for a few months and she is really defending me.”

That’s not a marriage Sepp, that’s a lease, just like giving your friends massive wedges of cash isn’t standard business practice but manifest and obvious corruption in sport. You know it, I know it and everyone who likes to bet on sports in the UK of a Saturday and picks a team in the English Premier League to back knows it too.
Now wipe the jam off your mouth and stop thinking the rest of us are stupid.

Read more about FIFA’s election of a new President

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