Seven Ways To Spot A Retired Dictator In Your Local Casino

Retired Dictator in your Local Casino

Following Robert Mugabe falling from power after 37 years and then, despite all he (and his wife) have done, being handed complete immunity from prosecution, it is no longer beyond the realms of possibility that you’ll one find yourself gambling alongside a former dictator at your local casino, and so you can avoid this embarrassing and morally dubious fate we take a look at the seven warning signs to look out for ahead of time.

1. Armored Limousines In the Parking Lot

Whilst there’s always a few limos knocking about in the parking lot of your local casino the armor plated variety are slightly rarer and might be your first clue that your gambling could best be done online at BetVictor instead. Armored plated cars are easy to spot, they tend to have a slightly green tinge to the windows, have a vastly reduced top speed but most tellingly ride very low and are famous for having very bad ground clearance. Watch how Obama’s car was rendered inert by a kerbstone.

2. Bodyguards In Sunglasses

Whilst it might seem counter-intuitive for guards to impede their vision in any way whilst on duty however the every present possible need to use firearms means that polarizing protective eye-wear tends to be the face furniture of preference for those in the protective services profession. Should you see groups of men in cheap suits all standing behind someone at the tables of your local casino why not turn around and go take advantage of US gambling laws at home on BetVictor instead. It’ll be safer.

Retired Dictator in Your Local Casino

(source: The International Man)

3. Food Taster On Standby

Bodyguards can be a good indication but the more sensible ones will blend in, using their training to become unobtrusive, however the average retired dictator will have other members of his retinue far easier to spot, and chief among those will be the food taster. Typically unable to blend in due to their massive girth this expansive individual will be charged with trying any food or drink to be consumed by the principle. This will be easily noticed as sharing food is not typical casino table behavior.

4. Wife With Too Much Shopping

It is unlikely, of course, that you’ll find yourself face to face with Grace Mugabe, Emelda Marcos or whomever Vladimir Putin has been banging, but if you do find yourself rubbing shoulders with, for instance, Melania Trump in your local casino you might want to go home and bet on sports in the US at BetVictor instead, after all it’s only a matter of time before they do something impossible to ignore like defend child abuse, pervert democracy or attempt to purchase one of the casino staff as a souvenir.

Retired Dictator in Your Local Casino


5. Muttered Bitter Reflections

Few, if any, major world dictators leave office of their own free will. Hitler topped himself rather than face up to the fact, Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife had to be helped to see the error of their ways by use of a firing squad and Mugabe’s only gone because the Army had weathered enough of his rubbish. If you find yourself gambling in your local casino next to someone who keeps going on about being stabbed in the back, take a moment to look them over, it may well be time to head home to BetVictor.

6. Assassins In Your Local Casino

Obviously any retired dictator worth his salt will have amassed a few enemies over the years. This will include the entire population of their former home, save perhaps for members of their immediate family, and whether in person or by setting up some sort of crowd sourced effort on Kickstarter or GoFundMe there’s every chance those enemies will be sending killers to get their revenge. If you find black clad men loitering in corners looking at their watches furtively……well… know what to do.

Retired Dictator in Your Local Casino


7. International Criminal Court Officials

It might have taken two decades for the ICC to sort their shit out and put Ratko Mladic away for his abhorrent genocidal crimes against humanity in Bosnia, but they got there in the end and if there’s a retired dictator hanging around in your local casino the chances are someone will be monitoring his every move as they build up a case against him. Naturally anyone in the US gambling news headlines about Mladic mean the ICC will definitely be on the case is mistaken, but you should keep an eye out.

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