The recent successful test of a Hwasong 15 missile has put vast swathes of our planet in the firing line and whilst you may well feel you can stay at home and gamble on BetVictor hoping Kim Jong-un doesn’t target your country, for those who wish to gamble in perfect safety we hereby present our list of the top seven casinos outside the current 13,000km range of the North Korean intercontinental ballistic missile arsenal.
1. Palm Spring Casino – Monrovia, Liberia
Perhaps the closest point to Europe in which one can gamble that North Korea can’t turn into a smoldering hole in the ground is the Palm Spring Casino in Liberia, an establishment in the nation’s capital on the coast. The facilities are superb, the atmosphere slightly edgy and if Kim and his cronies do aim something in your direction you’ll be able to watch it explode inland in relative safety. For this reason alone it makes our list of the top seven casinos that can’t be nuked by an angry North Korea.
2. GrandWest Casino – Cape Town, South Africa
No list of the top seven casinos could exclude this jewel in South Africa. The GrandWest Casino is no pokey pleasure palace and will ensure that you weather the North Korean holocaust in luxurious comfort. With massive range of games and some of the friendliest staff in the world it’s only the plethora of penguins that litter Cape Town which might give you cause for pause and encourage you to stay at home and take advantage of UK gambling laws at BetVictor under Kim Jong-un’s missile umbrella.
3. Trilenium Casino – Tigre, Argentina
This casino in Argentina is in our list of the top seven casinos beyond the reach of Rocket Man from the North Korea for it’s proximity to Brazil, a nation that still frowns on gambling but smiles on anal bleaching. Thus with a bevy of Brazilian beauties amid the tables there’s much to say for taking to this remote refuge far from BetVictor when Donald Trump and his sock puppet Rex Tillerson decide they’re bored and want to see just how far they can push dear little Kimmy before he turns Seoul into a hole.
4. NH Haiti El Rancho – Petionville, Haiti
The massive earthquake that devastated the country in 2010 put paid to most casinos in the nation however the NH Haiti El Rancho not only kept going through the aftermath but used it as an excuse to update their facilities and do a spot of expansion. Set in the glorious surroundings of Petionville on the outskirts of the ruins that were formerly Port-au-Prince, the capital, this is a must have on our list of the top seven casinos, a place where you can bet on sports in the UK at BetVictor outside Hwasong 15 range (if their Wifi is working).
5. Ocean Sun Casino – Panama City, Panama
Panama has long been known as a wild town on the quiet, typically disguising itself as a canal with a few houses nearby, it keeps a relatively low profile. This is partly because of its turbulent history, but mostly because all the foreign visitors at present are rich tax evading scumbags who prefer to be ignored. However when the missiles start falling you may want to abandon BetVictor at home and rush to the Trump associated Ocean Sun Casino which makes our top seven casinos list because Donald might be there.
6. Aladino Casino – Tegucigalpa, Honduras
Honduras might not seem like an obvious choice when attempting to escape the risk indiscriminate mass killing, there’s something slightly counter intuitive about it, however this little known bolt hole could be just the place to head to when the time comes. Sure if you’re sat on BetVictor in the UK gambling news headlines about impending doom are all just so much hot air, you feel free to just sit there, but frankly if the choice is playing “Threads” the home game and Honduras, I choose Honduras.
7. Casino Parque Hotel – Montevideo, Uruguay
A mere handful of steps to the Ramirez beach, set in a fabulous landscaped gardens of the Parque Rodo, and boasting a range of slot and table games to suit all pockets and desires, this is a must have on our list of the top seven casinos Kim Jong-un can’t hit with an ICBM. A pleasant atmosphere and friendly (if slightly football mad) staff coupled with easy access to the brighter lights of Rio de Janiro by ferry make this a hard option to beat when the war drums start getting beaten…..like they are right now.