Formula One Needs Spicing Up
• Guns for the drivers?
• Animals on track?
• Landmines in the run-off?
Someone (Yes, Ecclestone I’m looking at you) has to make Formula One more interesting before it descends even further into being nothing more than an advert for Mercedes and diamond earrings (take them off Lewis, they look like you’ve been at your mum’s jewelry box) and whilst the Finnish press have been stoking up the “Clash Of The Finns” because their two F1 drivers have had a few shared incidents lately I feel that more needs to be done.
The season is over, Mercedes have won, and next season might look set to be a little closer but no one really expects anyone to be able to challenge the German team for dominance at the top of the Formula One world championship standings in 2016, so if we all know what’s going to happen isn’t it time to introduce a few things to make Formula one more interesting for the viewing public? I think so and here’s seven ideas I stole off one of the top websites in Egypt for doing just that.
1. Firearms For Each Driver
Being Finnish gambling laws of sporting competitiveness would see the two Finns in Formula One come to blows after their latest encounter on track is an exercise in optimism. They’re both wearing helmets, what would be the point? If you want to make Formula one more interesting in terms of driver-on-driver combat you at least have to give them firearms. Each driver carrying a revolver with a single round could well make this sort of rivalry shorter lived and far more graphically interesting.
2. Landmines On The Track
Naturally we all like watching F1 for the crashes, but many of these are merely slides off into gravel that end with a bit of a sideways shunt against some tires. Very disappointing for the driver, but however dramatic the commentators attempt to make such instances they would still be improved by the addition of landmines to the run-off areas of the track. You just won’t be able to persuade me that large explosions wouldn’t make Formula One more interesting.
3. Snipers In The Crowd
Formula E has shown that involving the spectators (they do it with a Fan Boost giving extra power to the driver with the most votes) can spice things up, so why not make Formula One more interesting by handing out sniper rifles to a select number of fans, perhaps two or three, who could choose to unleash long range death upon whichever driver they felt worthy of such pain and suffering, if they can actually hit him in a car going that fast whilst the crowd around them either object or encourage.
4. Random Grid Placement Of Drivers
Making Formula One more interesting could probably be best achieved by having all the drivers get out of their cars on the grid before the start and then have to pick a place number out of a hat and drive that car instead regardless of team or manufacturer. The drivers are all the same anyway so it’s not like it would change anything. The Mercedes would still win. The interesting bit would be watching Hamilton and Rosberg sulking in the midfield in a Red Bull, Sauber or Williams.
5. Random Drug Enforcement
Random administration of drugs to all drivers prior to the race might make Formula One more interesting. Those that like to bet on sports in Finland might enjoy trying to work out which of their two drivers, Raikkonen and Bottas, was on which recreational drug, and we’d quickly know because Team Radio would be replaced with an un-mutable three hour hardfloor remix of club classics. Formula One is supposed to be about focus, lets see them do it under real pressure.
6. Half And Half
Of course the easiest way to make Formula One more interesting would be to have half the cars driving their laps in the opposite direction. The one who finishes the race in the quickest time wins, and anyone who survives trying to overtake into oncoming traffic gets a grid girl to take home for the weekend. Driver insurance might bounce a bit in cost but otherwise it would make the whole experience far more enjoyable and the commentators would go into melt-down.
7. Combine Track And Zoo To Make Formula One More Interesting
Populate the track with animals. From Rhino to lions, gorillas to tigers, lets have a full safari park out there to make Formula One more interesting. From avoiding an elephant at turn 2 to having your car stripped in the pits by a hoard of Barbary apes, there’s all sorts of way this could make it a better sport to watch and bet on at ComeOn! Sportsbook and the like. Ever see an F1 car hit a chicken at 200mph? No, neither have I, but I bet it’s more interesting than watching Hamilton walk the 2016 season.
Unfortunately the powers that be have rejected my suggestions as being outlandish and impractical, but I’m gambling news of my suggestions reaching the outside world might find some support amongst those who like to wager on F1. So if you approve of these fine tuning adjustments to the posh boy’s go-kart club racing rules, and think they’d turn what is becoming a very drab business back into the sporting spectacle it used to be, please do write in to Bernie Ecclestone and tell him, because apparently he has no idea whatsoever of how to make Formula One more interesting.