7 Best Casinos On Earth In Which To Hide From The FBI

Posted: October 9, 2018

Updated: October 9, 2018

Whether you’re Brett Kavanaugh or Cristiano Ronaldo, William Clyde Allen III or Colonel Anatoliy Chepiga, the need to get out of the public eye for a while and avoid the attention of law enforcement agencies like the FBI is one any of us could now experience, and rather than sit tucked up in a hotel room with Bovada, one of the best online betting sites in the US, we’ll give you the seven best casinos on Earth in which to hide from prying eyes and just how to do it.

  1. Sands Macao  

Sands Macao
Sands Macao

If you “like beer” and find yourself under investigation for sexual misconduct because you want to be a supreme court judge it may be best to get out of Washington DC for a while and the way the FBI work the best place to run will be abroad. The Sands Macao is a massive palace of pleasure and you should be able to blend in without too much trouble, well, unless you’re a tall, stroppy, white guy who can’t control his temper, in which case you’ll probably need to kneel.

  1. Bellagio Poker Club

If you’ve discovered the world’s press are seeking you out and your superior officers in the GRU aren’t happy about it one of the 7 best casinos on Earth might be just where you need to be to disappear for a while (before you’re disappeared forever). The Tusk Rio is perfect for this (despite sketchy Bovada access frankly) since you can easily become part of the background simply by sticking a bowl of fruit on your head and pretending you’re Carmen Miranda.

  1. Tigre De Cristal Casino

If you think they’ll be tracking your net activity on Bovada try this, the biggest casino in Russia’s Far East Primorye special gambling zone, and quite beyond the reach of US law enforcement or US gambling laws come to that. Given the standard of disguise and “cover” that seems to be required from Russian intelligence agencies operating in Salisbury the chances are you could stroll around this, one of the 7 best casinos on Earth, wearing a name tag and no one will notice.

  1. Casino Lisboa

Casino Lisboa
Casino Lisboa

If you’re hiding, try Lisbon. Recently voted one of the top ten weed cities in the world this grand old establishment makes our list of the 7 best casinos on Earth in which to hide because not only is it noted for its years of discretion but now also has the benefit of everyone being far too stoned to remember if you’ve been there or not. Indeed, you could sit in the lobby betting on Bovada and cutting up Ricin on the table tops without people paying too much attention to what you’re doing.

  1. Caesars Palace

If you’re sure that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, think again. As Prince Harry discovered that’s not always necessarily true and if you’re from the US gambling news of your presence won’t get back to prying ears this isn’t the place for you, however if you’re on the run from angry superiors in the GRU this could be just where you want to be, although take a tip, don’t sign in under your own name and don’t insist everyone calls you “Colonel” at breakfast.

  1. Tusk Rio Casino Resort

Caesars Palace
Caesars Palace

If you’re not prepared to risk Las Vegas, perhaps because you’re accused of rape there, why not go to somewhere famed for its animal predators and head off to Africa. Sure, you might need to pick up a custom made lion suit from somewhere, and the mane will need careful laundering, but it’s not such a stretch to simple pad around the gaming floor of this, one of the 7 best casinos on Earth, and growl at people occasionally whilst playing on Bovada inside the suit on your phone.

  1. Deltin Royale

If you’ve got to go, the saying says, it’s gotta be Goa. When you want to be all the way gone there’s nowhere quite as easy to hide out (and providing quite so many exits) as this offshore gambling paradise. Be it table games or the odd bet on sports in the US this lovely venue rivals Bovada for relaxed, comfortable gambling, and if anyone comes looking for you, don’t panic, a quick exchange of money for memory will ensure no one will ever acknowledge you were there.  

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